he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
