If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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