After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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