Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my being single is dangerous.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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