Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
