Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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