laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
