There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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