I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
