I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize