Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
