I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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