ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
