Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
