I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
