I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
