Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
