Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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