i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
