Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
