That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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