You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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