i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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