Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize