Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize