The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
