Only a mothe r could love this liver
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
