If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
