Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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