So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize