And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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