Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
