I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
