i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
