Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
