his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
