Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what day is it and did you see me today?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
