I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
