I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
