I think my vagina is haunted
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize