Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
