He had one of those small greek statue penises
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
