wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
