I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
