Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
