Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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