Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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