So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
