Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
