20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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