i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want a musical about memes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
