just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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