Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
NoShamevember. You game?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
