next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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