I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
being pregnant is like rehab
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
