I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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