well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
