i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
