Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
