I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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